November Horoscope

You probably don´t know this about me (because I just made it up) but I have a strong connection with universal energy so I feel totally qualified to put together a little horoscope for you lost soles out there. Let´s do this! 

Aries

The universe loves you in November! You are basically the big winner this month, all your dreams will come true. You will love like never before, your career will move only in one direction – upwards. And don´t get me started on all the money you´ll make… Fun fact about me: I´m an Aries too, so I´m as excited about November as you are.

Taurus

This month is the perfect time to finally get a makeover! Don´t take this the wrong way, you are perfect the way you are, but it´s time for some change. Buy some new clothes (check out my latest Instagram posts for some discounts, maybe
I finally got some other brand deals and therefore some new discount codes), rearrange your apartment or get a new wild haircut. Do something exiting for a change. Old you is lovely but we´ve had about enough. Just don´t get bangs, they won´t suit you. 

Gemini

Finally get your ass up and see a doctor about your knee! You are way to young to have knee problems and Venus transits in the perfect position this month for that kind of appointment. You should also try eating more bananas, that potassium will lift you up like a warm hug. 

Cancer

Ever thought about becoming a tiktok creator? This month is perfect for you to express yourself and my spiritual energy tells me, you would actually be quite funny. Listen, I don´t want you to learn basic dance routines, we both know that’s not your thing. But there´s this side of tiktok where people just show how they clean there extremely dirty stoves and I totally see you in that niche. And let´s be honest for a second, your stove can use some cleaning you dirty little thing. 

Leo

Mercury is good to you this month! That annoying pimple of yours finally starts healing and you will actually pull through with doing that morning yoga routine you´ve planed doing since the first lockdown. Also, this month is not the time for overthinking. You always tend to overthink every single move and that’s not good for you. First of all, you can think about it as much as you want, you won´t get it anyways, second it just stops you from moving forward and actually get started. A little side note: Your Spotify mix of the week will be a total banger at the end of the month. 

Virgo

November will challenge you and your productivity. Even though your to-do list is filled up with tasks, you can´t help but thinking about spending your time otherwise. I´m not your parents so go off! I haven´t looked at my to-do list since Christmas and I´m fine too. Did I achieve my goals and live a successful and productive life? No. But I do have a lot of fun and there aren´t that many tasks you can´t postpone in order to go to a fun little five-hour Wednesday
brunch instead. Don´t forget about having a good time. Mimosas taste so much better without remorse. And my tip to you: Before having fun, just write down your most important tasks in a little to-do list and you won´t forget working them
off. 

Libra

I feel bad for you, because anyone else got these cool animal or creature signs and all you got is a machine that informs you about your weight and makes you think about not only paying for but actually going to the gym once. So November is here to cheer you up a little bit. Moon circles in the perfect orbit for Libras these days and you will have a really good time. Go outside, have a walk in nature and be grateful for your what you have. Your favourite movie will get a remake this month that actually won’t suck like so many we had to see in the last couple of years (talking to you Dumbo). 

Sagittarius

You are a true icon this month! Even though this one specific co-worker of yours (we both know who I´m talking about) won´t stop talking in this unbearable tone about themselves with no mercy. But you will get through this. Just take your time every morning bevor attending work and practice your fake smile a little bit. By the end of the month your positive appearance will be noticed by everybody around you and you will receive more compliments from your co-workers than my mom when I´m out of money.

Scorpio

I feel like everybody hates on this sign and that’s truly not fair. So take cold November as an opportunity to take care of yourself. Nobody else will do as soon as they know about your sign. Take a short break from reality and enjoy a spa day, you deserve it. And if you ever feel lonely and sad because of all the scorpio hate, don´t be afraid to reach out to people you love, just don´t call me because I can´t have your negative energy right now, but I´m sure your granny won´t mind you calling her. 

Capricorn

Follow your own sign an example: Spend more time outside and eat your greens! You´ve got quite pale last couple of weeks. I hear you, November isn´t the best time of the year to spend hours in the park or go for a hike, but fresh air and a healthy nutrition are important. Especially for people who drink as much as you do. We all like to let ourselves go sometimes, but you took it to a next level lately. So pick out a good podcast, put your windbreaker on, take a walk and eat some fresh fruit and vegetables. No, the cucumber in your Gin Tonic doesn’t count. 

Aquarius

You have to stop buying new plants. Usually they already die pretty fast after you take care of them, but this month will intensify your bad plant skills. But that’s ok, you can´t do it all. Use this month to find a new way to fulfil your need of taking care of something or someone and stop murdering innocent greenery. Now is the time to exhume your old Nintendo DS and play Nintendogs again, that´s a great way to spend a cold fall evening and I´m sure even you are not capable of killing those dogs.  

PIsces

I used to like fish a lot, but now I´m vegetarian and actually don´t miss the taste at all. Maybe you can use that little anecdote as a metaphor for your own life choices last month and the way you will react to them in November. I honestly can´t because this is the last sign I´m writing about and it´s quite late and friends are on their way over for some drinks. But let me tell you, this month is exactly what you will make out of it, don´t give horoscopes and the weirdos writing them credit of your own achievements.